I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
My penis needs a shock collar
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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