dude i'm inner monologue high
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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