i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
