I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
