A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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