Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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