I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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