I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
