"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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