it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip ๐๐๐
Your skills amaze me
I havenโt taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize