I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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