How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
