Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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