i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
