you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
