i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
