last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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