guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Randomize
