plz talk dirty to me
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
