I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
My ATM looks so different sober.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Randomize
