I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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