So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
