I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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