No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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