Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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