weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
