Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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