if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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