you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
