Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
