I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
