it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
