I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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