Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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