"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
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