He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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