super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
