Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
