Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize