Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
