just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
