he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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