i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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