I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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