He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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