she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
