I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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