I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
