She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
