I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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