She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
