You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
