Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
