Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
