My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
