is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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