I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
