Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
