in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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