I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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