Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
