I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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