jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
