broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
