dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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