I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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